I get asked a lot about how I’m able to maintain a long distance relationship. For those of you who don’t know, I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, Timothy Delaghetto, for over 4 years. I’ve dedicated a whole post about how we met called, My Love Story. I was born and raised in Saskatchewan, Canada and Tim has lived in L.A since he was a baby. Our relationship consists of lots of scheduling and tons of flying. Yes, it’s difficult, but the distance means nothing when you know it’s going to be short lived.
I’ve put together a few of my own tips on how to maintain a long distance relationship. Maybe some of you who are struggling in your own relationships whether they are long distance or not, can pick up a few tips to help you in yours! I am not a relationship doctor of any kind, but I have found these things work great for my relationship.
Communication. Communication is by far the most important aspect in any relationship, especially long distance. Tim and I are constantly texting throughout the day. As soon as I open my eyes I’ll send him a simple text that says, “Good morning!”. A couple hours later he’ll reply back with a good morning text. He has a very different schedule than mine, so I’ll never blow up his phone incase I wake him up. We all need our sleep! It’s nice to start the day off letting your partner know you’re already thinking about them.
Throughout my workday, it’s tricky to text frequently because I have a hands on job (read my post about how I became self employed here), but every couple hours I try to let Tim know I’m just working away and keeping busy. At this point in our relationship he knows my work is busy and I’m constantly running on a schedule, so he’ll never harass me and hit me with the, “Where are you?” texts. He knows I’ll get back to him when I can and vice versa. He’s always in meetings, shooting videos, or editing so he always does his best to keep me posted with his day. As the day comes to an end and I get home from work I’ll toss in a Face Time call or even Face Time audio (bonus because both are free!) to recap the day and say our goodnights before I get my beauty sleep.
The point I’m trying to make is that we are constantly talking/texting even when we don’t have much to say. It helps us feel involved with each other’s day, almost as if we live in the same city. Just because you may live in the same city as your partner doesn’t mean you should communicate less. I would treat my relationship with Tim exactly the same even if we lived in the same city and it should never be taken for granted.
Trust. A relationship is total shit if trust isn’t present. Long distance can make some people go crazy and have you wondering what you partner is up to. Who are they with? Why aren’t they texting me back? Why aren’t they picking up their phone? If you’re constantly asking these questions then you’ll easily drive the relationship into the ground because you’ll start to sound like a nagging mother. The naggier you are the less your partner will want to share with you. As a result, your partner may become distant and you might find yourself turning into an overreactive, crazy person…and that’s just not healthy.
To avoid all this chaos you have to trust your partner is doing exactly what they say they’re doing and vice versa. Trust and communication really do work hand in hand and you can’t have one without the other. If you know off the bat you have communication and trust issues then perhaps long distance isn’t for you, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Some relationships are only introduced for a certain amount of time because they aren’t meant to last forever (read my breakup post here). If you really do feel like this is the relationship for you then you will do everything you can to make sure it lasts. I promise!
Have your own identity. This is so important. You will have to occupy your time when you’re away from your honey buns because time can go by soo sloooow. Some people are so dependent on their partner to fill their spare time and once you realize that person is miles away, you’ll get bored. When Tim and I are apart, I work a lot. It’s also my own business so I kind of have to lol, but I would honestly work just as much even if I worked at Footlocker. Maybe getting a second job will help to fill your spare time and to save some extra money for future visits! Make plans with your friends, go out and have a drink or two, workout, whatever it will take to fill that down time. If you start to have a lot of time on your hands you will find yourself always wanting to talk to your partner and they might find that annoying, especially if their busy filling their own time.
Remember, even if you don’t excel in some of these areas you can always grow to become a better long distance partner. Stay realistic, because these relationships will require extra attention, extra money (for visits), extra everything. It’s going to be challenging at times, but overcoming these challenges will make your relationship stronger everyday.
How many of you are in long distance relationships?
Stay peachy my loves!