Let’s be honest, we all deal with confrontation, arguments, and disagreements. No one ever wants these things (unless you’re a drama queen/king), but they do happen. Let me share with you the way I deal with my own relationship arguments.
First of all, let me say that Tim and I hardly fight or argue. I know a handful of girls who say, “Just wait until you guys have an intense fight. It takes your relationship to a whole other level.” UMMM, wrong. Does it ever occur to people that not every couple has to yell and scream at each other to get their point across? If that’s your normal, then do you. That’s just not my relationship. Don’t get me wrong, of course we have a difference of opinion and the occasional disagreement, but it’s not an on going thing.
Let me back track a bit. Tim and I aren’t jealous or insecure people, so that cuts the fights in half. Some girls/boys may say, “Who’s this girl/boy you’re texting? Are you cheating on me?” *eye roll* Did you ever stop to think that maybe the person they’re texting is a co-worker, or a partner for a school project, or (dare I say it)…just a FRIEND. If you are a jealous or insecure person it’s okay, there are things your partner can do to boost your self-esteem. Something as easy as, “Hey babe, I’m just messaging my co-worker to see if she can take my shift at work.” BOOM. Now you don’t have a reason to get all crazy and jump to conclusions. A little reassurance goes a long way and we all need it from time to time. We’re only human, damnit!
Now that I’ve told you how our fights are minimal, I’ll get back to the topic on how we deal with an actual argument when it happens. Whether the discussion is in person or texting (remember we are long distance. Read my long distance tips here) we both express what is upsetting us and why. This is when you’re suppose to turn on your listening ears. One cannot speak and listen at the same time; it’s a fact of life. When one person is talking, shut your mouth until it’s your turn to talk. This is why yelling at each other doesn’t work, ever.
I always take some time, digest, and reply accordingly. This way I know I’m not responding irrationally. I’ll always acknowledge Tim’s perspective, then I’ll explain things from my perspective. From there we will both make changes to avoid another discussion in the future regarding the same topic. Typically, we only have one discussion per incident then it’s over and dealt with and we don’t bring it up again. No one needs to live in the past or fight the same fight over and over again.
Just remember that you don’t have to name call or key each other’s cars to let them know you’re pissed. Use your words, express your opinions, respect each other’s emotions, and value the relationship enough to actually want to work on things. Love is a gift, so don’t take it for granted. You hear me?!
Do you try to take the calm route when dealing with arguments in your own relationships?
*I am not a registered doctor or therapist of any kind. These are my own thoughts/feelings/practices that I incorporate into my own relationship.
Chia, I love your blog!! My boyfriend and I love you guys, we been following for years. So glad you’re opening up in your own way. This is by far my favourite post! Thanks for sharing! LET EM KNOW SIS!! Nothing but love ❤️
Awe, thank you so much Bea!! I cannot express how much that means to me. I appreciate every visit you make to Just Peachy. I hope I keep entertaining you =)!
I think one of the pros of long distance relationships is that we realize how small/insignificant certain problems can be. Sweating over the small stuff can be stressful and most of all – silly. Being in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for over 3.5 years now definitely taught me how take my emotions out of situations and look at it holistically. Also, we get the benefit of taking some time to ourselves before responding so we can actually approach issues in a logical manner.
I could not agree with you more! Sometimes it blows my mind what some couples fight about. This is a great benefit when in a long distance relationship. Thanks for reading Lorraine!
Ive been in two long distance relationships. One of 5 years, the other (current) for 8 months to date. I am used to ldr, but my current boyfriend is not. We started to have arguments a few months after seeing each other, and recently they have become more frequent. I try to talk out the situation with him, but he never wants to talk. Instead, he resorts to name calling and ignores me because he gets “pissed” at me for pointing out things that bother me. I know im not perfect either, and I become extremely frustrated when he ignores me, which causes me to get very emotional and even raise my voice.
Ive talked to him multiple times that I dont appreciate the name calling or ignoring.
The main reasons why we argue is because maybe once a week Ill ask him if we can watch a movie together or spend one of my days off work (he doesnt work atm) and spend time together. Because of the time difference (hes in canada west coast, im in the states east coast) its really hard to make time together because I work very early in the morning and get really tired after work. When those days do come, where i want to spend the time i set aside for him, he either spent the night before playing game that he sleeps the whole day, or he starts to act very weird. Literally last Saturday we argued because we finally got to watch a show together and i accidently forgot to tell him to press “play”. He called me a dumbass, so i got upset, asked him to apologize, that i didnt appreciate the nane calling. He started to laugh it off, took a while to get the apology out, and when he did apologize I felt it wasnt sincere.
Weve had other arguments for other reasons as well, but that is the most recent.
Yeah, ive tried to talk out my situation with my friends, which because they care too much about me; their opinions are a bit biased. I also started to realize that his treatment towards me is borderline abusive.
I was supposed to be moving there once he obtains a job offer (i have money saved up and plan to start the long process to find a job and obtain residency) but as of right now, I am starting to have mixed feelings. The way I handle arguments doesnt seem to be working out?
He is extremely stubborn and gets mad easily. What should I do? I care a lot about him.
Wow, this is the quite the story. I would love to reply to this in a bit more detail… Send me an e-mail at email@example.com
I love this! My boyfriend and I always seem to subconsciously try to get cozy before we discuss something that’s bothering us. (Or maybe it’s just me). But I feel like if you keep your body calm while “fighting” can really dictate whether or not you’ll get more rowdy.
We also always try to open up as SOON as we realize something is bothering us. And we never accuse each other of anything, I feel that’s asking for trouble.
Yes! This is the way to handle things! Sounds like you guys have it all under control. Good job, keep up the healthy relationship! <3
I love this post. You made some really great points.
My boyfriend and I don’t fight that much either and I think it is mainly because we talk about things right away rather than letting it go and allowing the frustration to build up over time. It is SO important to maintain open communication at all times. Something is bothering you, say it – don’t hold it inside until you can’t anymore.
Thanks for sharing xoxoxo
I totally agree! Thanks for reading, I’m glad you guys have a healthy relationship and solve issues as they appear without letting them linger. There’s nothing worse than constantly fighting. Way to go, Nicole! Thanks for the website link, I’ll check it out. =)
I love this post. Thanks for showing us girls that we all don’t have to be crazy and wild for a guy to respect us.
Absolutely! Girl Power lol!
Hey Chia, I’m 17 and freaking loOove your blog. I mean half the time I can’t really relate to your topics (like this post for example), because I’m still a youngin’ who is no where near to experiencing this stuff! Although, I still read everything because I know I can use your advice in the future! So thank you and luh ya long time.
Awe, thank you cutie!! If I can pass on a little knowledge to you in your future relationships then I’m happy!
I love this and I completely agree! Especially how you said that you always listen to his perspective and wait to hear what he has to say before you talk about your perspective on the issue. It reminded me of something someone once told me they said, “listen to understand not to respond.” Anyways, your awesome and I love you guys. Keep being your amazing self♡♡
That’s such amazing advice! I love that. Thank you for reading Melissa! <3
Love this post Chia! I find it interesting that people would tell you to ‘just wait until you have a huge argument’ lol, my own relationship was full of huge arguments for the first year and I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone else!
You write beautifully. Social media is so full of memes glorifying ‘crazy girlfriends’ and ‘dysfunctional relationships’ so your blog is a breath of fresh air!
Love from New Zealand!
Thanks for the love Kennedy! I appreciate all your kind words from far far away!
I agree, constant argument is toxic! I’m glad you feel the same way.
Hi Chia! This is the first blog I’ve ever read from you. Shame on me for not taking the time to subscribe sooner, haha. I would like to say thank you for providing such wonderful and valuable tips. My girlfriend and I couldn’t agree with you more. Communication is key to a healthy relationship (cheesy, I know), whether it’s with your family, friends or significant other. I can’t wait to read/see more of your work.
Thank you again!
P.S. Hope you and Tim visit Vancouver, Canada soon! 🙂
Thanks for finally subscribing! I appreciate you following me along on this blog journey. Makes me happy knowing you have a healthy relationship with your girlfriend. Keep it going!
As far as Vancouver goes…hopefully soon!
I love your blog Chia ! Wish you and Tim nothing but endless love and happiness Much Love from Little old New Zealand ?xo – Kathryn
Thank you so much! I appreciate it so much, and hopefully we will bump into each other one day when I get my ass to New Zealand!
I have dated a guy for a month, we were not official but he would be texting and calling a few other girls few times a day. (I didn’t check his phone, but he was always on his phone) He was an athlete with full male teammates and only socialize with them and hangs out with a few close friends I met on our first date and other dates. He would tell me he doesn’t want to rush things but asks me if I’d go home with him everytime after we met. (Looking back, I now know he was just looking for a booty call. He had 2 cellphones I’d have 1 number and he refused to add me on facebook)
I just want to know from your opinion, would you date a guy who is dating other girls at the same time and how would you overcome the insecurity? By the way, I love your blog! xx
I would absolutely not be into dating a guy who was dating other people. If that’s not your arrangement, then you need to put yourself first mama!
Hi Chia! I was actually just watching some of your relationship videos with Tim and I came across your blog. In one of these videos you two were discussing relationship arguments and you mentioned about ignoring him is the best skill. Truthfully I agree, but girl it is soo hard for me to stay pissed I sometimes catch myself breaking the ice after a few days of silence cause I wanted to share a story with him. To be honest, even though I’m glad we get back to normal I feel as if I lost a little bit. I just wanted to ask if you have been in a similar situation with Tim where you wanted to talk to him but was still giving the silent treatment and did you give in? Also if you don’t mind me asking, what was the longest you’ve ignored him?
I also wanted to mention that everyone has their own insecurities and in long distance relationships a person can feel even more insecure, especially due to the negative outlook on the success of such relationships. But after witnessing the success of your relationship, I’m feeling a lot less insecure about mine. So thank you for that 🙂
P.s love the blog!
Thank you for sharing such a personal story with me. The whole ignoring thing is soooo difficult, but it’s one great thing that I’ve gained from past relationships haha. It takes practise, but it can be done! To be honest, no I’ve never been in a situation like that with Tim. He can be more of a communicator than me. Most of our arguments get resolved in no time and they are never discussed again. I don’t believe in having the same argument more than once. The longest I’ve ever ignored him was…probably a good few days. Just enough so that he gets the point (haha)!
I completely agree that long distance relationships aren’t for everyone, but it takes two willing and strong minded people to make it work. I’m so glad that we can be an inspiration for you in your own LD relationship. It makes me smile. Keep ya head up, girl. Thank you for reading <3!
CHIA! I’m so happy you started this blog, I’ve been on it literally all day. You are such a wise person and I love all the advice you have to give! it’s such a breath of fresh air to see a woman so confident and happy in her own skin that I can do nothing but learn from you.
You are amazing xo!
Wow! ALL day!??! Now that is impressive!! Thank you for spending the day with me =)! I have tons more content to come, stay tuned!! Be sure to subscribe to never miss a post!