Let’s be honest, we all deal with confrontation, arguments, and disagreements. No one ever wants these things (unless you’re a drama queen/king), but they do happen. Let me share with you the way I deal with my own relationship arguments.
First of all, let me say that Tim and I hardly fight or argue. I know a handful of girls who say, “Just wait until you guys have an intense fight. It takes your relationship to a whole other level.” UMMM, wrong. Does it ever occur to people that not every couple has to yell and scream at each other to get their point across? If that’s your normal, then do you. That’s just not my relationship. Don’t get me wrong, of course we have a difference of opinion and the occasional disagreement, but it’s not an on going thing.
Let me back track a bit. Tim and I aren’t jealous or insecure people, so that cuts the fights in half. Some girls/boys may say, “Who’s this girl/boy you’re texting? Are you cheating on me?” *eye roll* Did you ever stop to think that maybe the person they’re texting is a co-worker, or a partner for a school project, or (dare I say it)…just a FRIEND. If you are a jealous or insecure person it’s okay, there are things your partner can do to boost your self-esteem. Something as easy as, “Hey babe, I’m just messaging my co-worker to see if she can take my shift at work.” BOOM. Now you don’t have a reason to get all crazy and jump to conclusions. A little reassurance goes a long way and we all need it from time to time. We’re only human, damnit!
Now that I’ve told you how our fights are minimal, I’ll get back to the topic on how we deal with an actual argument when it happens. Whether the discussion is in person or texting (remember we are long distance. Read my long distance tips here) we both express what is upsetting us and why. This is when you’re suppose to turn on your listening ears. One cannot speak and listen at the same time; it’s a fact of life. When one person is talking, shut your mouth until it’s your turn to talk. This is why yelling at each other doesn’t work, ever.
I always take some time, digest, and reply accordingly. This way I know I’m not responding irrationally. I’ll always acknowledge Tim’s perspective, then I’ll explain things from my perspective. From there we will both make changes to avoid another discussion in the future regarding the same topic. Typically, we only have one discussion per incident then it’s over and dealt with and we don’t bring it up again. No one needs to live in the past or fight the same fight over and over again.
Just remember that you don’t have to name call or key each other’s cars to let them know you’re pissed. Use your words, express your opinions, respect each other’s emotions, and value the relationship enough to actually want to work on things. Love is a gift, so don’t take it for granted. You hear me?!
Do you try to take the calm route when dealing with arguments in your own relationships?
*I am not a registered doctor or therapist of any kind. These are my own thoughts/feelings/practices that I incorporate into my own relationship.